Cupid's Got a Shotgun
by cleathe eniesse vesper-cahill
Summary: It's Valentine's day once more. Everyone's soaking up on the love thing. Too bad Lucy Heartfilia's too busy running away from a psychotic cupid who won't stop until she's got herself a man. Will she be able to shake off this insistent cherub or will she be smitten against her will?


Disclaimer: I do not own Fairy Tail or _Cupid's Got a Shotgun._

_Psst! _I'm thinking of conjuring a _smut-_tastic one-shot collection. That is, if it's any good. After I finish it, I'll randomly pick a person to _evaluate _it. I already have 3 plot ideas. You can tweet me plot suggestions, if there are any.

_I try **not **to be cliche..._

* * *

_**Cupid's Got a Shotgun**_

Lucy panted heavily as she ran towards the bend. Behind her was a winged, diaper-clad psychopath. Apparently, it was Valentine's Day and a perverted perfumer named Ichiya took it upon himself to make sure every _'unfortunate'_ woman gets some good ol' romance. Due to a very cruel twist of fate, Lucy was one of those _'unfortunates'_. What's worse, all her celestial spirits have dates which left her defenseless at the moment.

Ichiya pulled out an arrow with a perfume-dipped rubber tip. Lucy ducked as it sailed above her head and hit a clueless squirrel. Seconds later, a dozen rodents crowded around it and Lucy had a sneaking suspicion what that _'special' _perfume does.

* * *

Oh he gave up on arrows a long, long time ago

Turns out I'm too hard to hit so he put away his bow

I might just keep on runnin' from here to Timbuktu

'Cause he gave up on arrows and I ain't bulletproof

* * *

After a dozen failed attempts that resulted to swooning birds and mooning baboons, the Cupid-wannabe finally threw away his bow and half-empty quiver. Lucy was about to sigh in relief but the moment she saw his shotgun, her thoughts about resting automatically dissipated.

"Stop already and give in to the power of love!" Ichiya shouted. He even unleashed a warning shot up in the air to punctuate his words and it left a faint trail of pink in the sky.

"Never, you delusional geezer!" Lucy yelled back. With that, she sped up her pace and in no time, Ichiya was left in the dust.

* * *

He's sitting in that tree stand and his wings are camouflaged

I'm dug down in my foxhole waiting on his next barrage

Must be open season, got a target on my back

Think he's throwing love grenades and I'm under attack

* * *

Lucy looked around her. Only when she was sure she wasn't followed, did she let herself relax. The blonde hurried into the dark alley. She quickly crouched behind a grossly overflowing dumpster, careful not to touch the grime by any means. Determined not to be caught by her pursuer, Lucy kept her head down and stifled any noise that might escape her lips.

She sat there anticipating another attack. After a few seconds without any kind of turbulence, she finally let out the breath she was holding. At that exact moment, she heard a soft _'clink' _a few feet away. Her head turned just in time to see pink smoke spray out of a metal cylinder; another one of Ichiya's gaseous love potion. Lucy immediately covered her face and gingerly wrapped a hand around the cylinder. She threw it back the way – she supposed – it came.

The metal connected to the tree with such force that it knocked the ridiculously-clothed man out of his perch. Lucy took it as a cue to bolt away.

* * *

Well he's got me in his sights, I've got a red dot on my chest

But little does he know I strapped on my Kevlar vest

I pulled out my Remington and I loaded up these shells

He's about to find out I'm a dang good shot myself

* * *

Ichiya stopped to catch his breath. He was about to give up on the chase when a rustle came from a nearby branch. He aimed at it. He was more than surprised when Lucy leaped out armed with a gun of her own. The blonde shot him a knowing smile; his bullets were harmless while hers probably were deadly. He pulled the trigger and…

…nothing came out.

Lucy smirked and lifted her gun. She pulled the trigger; deliberately missing his toe. It was payback time. Ichiya must've known because he paled. After that, he just couldn't get out of there fast enough.

* * *

Yeah Cupid's got a shotgun, aiming at my heart

I've been dodging bullets, I've been hiding in the dark

Sawed-off double barrel, trigger happy as could be…

Yeah Cupid's got a shotgun

But right now he's running from me.

* * *

Lucy watched him run with a satisfied smile on her face. _'It's time to return this to its owner.' _Lucy thought as her gaze fell on the gun. She turned around and stumbled into a muscular chest. Then she made the biggest mistake of her life: she looked up. Nothing would've prepared her for what she saw in those eyes. Just when she thought she wouldn't be able to tear her gaze away, he flashed a toothy grin.

The next thing she knew, she's got a date with a pink-haired badass.

Now all she could think was, _'Damn, I fell into a trap!'_

But then again, it was a trap worth falling into.

* * *

Sorry that it has more pesky Cupid than swoon-worthy Romeo, if you know what I mean *wink*.

It's such a fun song that I constantly find myself humming it – that is, if I'm not singing shamelessly. It's supposed to be about running out of love's reach but I _just __**had **__to defy nature!_ As much as I love fun and fierce anti-love songs, it's fun to throw in an occasional NaLu.

**_Cupid's Got A Shotgun _is by Carrie Underwood (track #12 of _Blown Away_).**


End file.
